Because I Don’t Get That, But He Does.

I told a friend before that I knew Anthony would move on fast. I knew it. And apparently whoever he’s talking to now, they’re already talking about kids. Whatever. I don’t know the full context, and I don’t need to.

But of course, tonight the fucking internet went out. I never watch TV downstairs. I usually just go to bed. But tonight I was watching TV, the internet went out, and suddenly I could hear him upstairs.

And I heard him say something along the lines of, I never got the opportunity to have kids. So if I get that, I’m taking it. I’m not wasting any time.

And that fucking broke something in me.

Because that motherfucker made me wait to have kids.

And that’s what I wanted. That’s what I wanted most in the fucking world. I waited. And waited. And now he’s talking about not wasting any time. Now he’s talking about a fucking baby shower.

And I just started bawling.

Because it’s not fucking fair that he gets it and I don’t. He made sure I didn’t. He can still have kids. He can still go have everything that I waited for and wanted more than anything.

And I don’t know if he’s saying any of this because he hopes I can hear him. I don’t know, and I don’t care.

I just know that right now, I fucking hate him.

He did all of this to me. He made sure I didn’t get anything I’ve ever wanted, but somehow he still gets to.

And I hate him for that.

I’ve never said that I hated anyone before. But I hate him for this.

Because I don’t get that.

But he does.